my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
