Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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