so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
