He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we're so committed to being not committed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
