he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
