I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize