took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love having hate sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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