Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
