is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
