Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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