Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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