i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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