The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
