I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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