I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
