Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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