Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it