how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup