farters have to be the big spoon...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage