Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.