Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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