He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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