it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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