I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
