Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
