I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
