If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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