I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
