dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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