i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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