this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
