He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
