There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm drive I can fine osifer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
