I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
