okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
