My brain says no but my pants say off.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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