So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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