It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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