I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
where are my eyebrows?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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