oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Please, let me fuck your mom
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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