she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
