I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
