It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
