I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
