Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
