how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
