The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was like eating out sand paper
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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