What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
