remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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