I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize