Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
