I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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