My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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