Dignity is for republicans.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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