Plan B is the new Plan A
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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