Screwed.edu
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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