I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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