Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
