i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
