I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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