she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We are two peas in an std pod
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You made out with two different species that night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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