Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
