I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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