He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
