I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
try to milk me bitch
PANTIES FOUND
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