I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
