At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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