how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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