I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
birth control should be required to get into college
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
