Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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