you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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