I like to think it a success when the cops are called
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will pee on everything he values.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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