ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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