I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They are going to name an STD after you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
