wakey wakey hands off snakey
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
