if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
