Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
