apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
