whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
