fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
