i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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