idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
