feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
