he wants to bone in the snuggie
it hurts more in the daytime
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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