they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
