My girlfriend figured out who you are.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
