i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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