We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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